Belichoke

This was one of the most humiliating losses in New England sports history. And no one should have to tell you that that's a pretty high bar to jump.

I won't be the first to say it and you can be certain that I'll be far from the last. But I'll say it anyway.

WHAT THE HELL WAS BILL BELICHICK THINKING?

Okay, technically, I do know what he was thinking. He was thinking that all my offense has to do is get two yards on this next play and the game's over. But if they don't, Bill? Then you have problems. And everyone in New England cursing you out for weeks, possibly years, on end.

Ordinarily this situation (4th & 2 on your own 28 yard line) is a no-brainer. You punt. You simply punt. There isn't even anything to consider. Even if you're fairly confident that you can get those two yards, the potential downside is too horrifying to risk it. The only reason Belichick would go for it would be to keep the ball out of the increasingly dangerous Peyton Manning's hands. But if you're concerned that Peyton Manning can take the ball 70 yards on you, shouldn't you be even more concerned about leaving him only 29? Huh?

It also sends a terrible message to your defense. Boys, we can't trust you to keep a team from going 70 yards in under two minutes and driving it all the way into the end zone. How pathetic is that?

The Pats had already done some dumb things in the game. They tried to sit on their lead (which, truth be told, should have worked) in the fourth quarter. And they blew two timeouts in bizarre fashion, which precluded them from challenging the spot on The Play of Stupidity. Although they probably would have lost the challenge anyway.

But another play that no one is mentioning in the shuffle was almost as important. Here's the situation. Manning and the Colts are storming down field in what looks like an inevitable touchdown drive. Their first play is an easy 15-yard pass to Reggie Wayne. On 1st down from the 14, Manning hands it off to Joseph Addai. He zips through a giant hole and looks like he's headed for the end zone. Vince Wilfork and Ron Brace make a herculean effort to drag him down at the 1. Great play? Maybe if there were only 5 seconds left. There is 1:20 left on the clock. This is important.

If Addai scores the touchdown, the Pats have 1:10 or so (after the kickoff return) to try to get into field goal range. Even with no timeouts, it's possible. After the tackle, the clock runs down to 0:36 before the next play starts and when the Colts finally punch it in there are only 16 seconds left.

Now, I'm sure some will say that you never let someone score on purpose. You give your defense a shot at stopping them. And yes, they may have stopped them. But Belichick already made it quite clear that he didn't think he could stop Manning from gaining 70 yards. Why would he think he could stop him from getting 1?

This is a game that was in the bag. That isn't smart analysis. It's just a fact. There is no excuse for losing this game. Give credit to Peyton Manning for taking full advantage of the Pats' terrible decision-making and execution in the fourth quarter, which they started with a 17-point lead. Even with that, not any schmo could have pulled this out. It took a superstar. But the Pats should have known better than to give him the chance. Shame.

59-0

It's been a gruesome week for New England sports fans. We've had a splendid decade up to now so it's tough for us to complain about anything for a while. But the Sox made us remember what it was like to be a Sox fan pre-2004 in last week's Game 3 vs. Los Angeles. (That was Spanish for "The Angels", by the way, not English for "Los Angeles", the city, where the Angels don't play.) 9th inning. Two outs. 6-4 lead. Bases empty. 0-2 count on the #9 hitter. One strike away from getting back in the series. Oh, and on the mound is a guy with a lifetime playoff ERA of 0.00. Howzit end?

Yep, feels like old times. Painful.

We tried to make ourselves feel better by switching to the Patriots game. Hurray! A 10-point lead at the half! The Pats are back! Oh, no.

That's what it used to be like to be a Pats fan too.

So thank you, Patriots, for giving us a good old-fashioned ass-whupping yesterday. 59-0! What was that score again? 59-0.

I just need to type that again. 59-0.

One more time. 59-0.

"Yes!" you say. A shutout! Okay, yeah. A shutout is, like, 10-0. Or 13-0. Usually when you score 59 points, the other team scores 35. But no. The 0 is great but it isn't exactly the number that pops out at you, is it? It's the one that starts with 5 and ends with 9. Okay, have to do it again. 59-0.

The box score at halftime was already absurd. 45-0. (An NFL record, by the way.) Tom Brady with 345 yards and 5 touchdowns. We didn't even want them to come out for the second half. Really, nowhere to go but down. Seriously. I mean, think about what would have happened if the second half wasn't a letdown. If they just equalled the first half, the score would have been 90-0. Brady would have destroyed the single-game passing records with 690 yards and 10 touchdowns. Impossible!

So, all they really had to do was not suck in the second half. Well, they outscored them 14-0, mostly with backup QB Brian Hoyer making sure Brady didn't get cheap-shotted out of the game for no reason.

A letdown? Yeah, but who's complaining?

Oh, and by the way, the Titans two quarterbacks combined to complete 2 of 14 passes for -7 yards. Yes, that's negative. Wow. They completed just as many passes to Patriots players.

Feeling better about this team, we are. Please, Patriots. More of this.

Playoffs Schmayoffs Dismayoffs

As much fun as it was watching the Patriots scrape out an 11-5 season after Tom Brady bit the dirt in the first quarter of their first game of the season (compounded by a whole pile of other injuries), it's going to be correspondingly unfun not watching them in the playoffs this weekend.

Some people hem and haw and say "They deserve to be in the playoffs!" and "The system is unfair! It should be changed!" I'm not into that. Everyone knows the rules going into the season. You have to either win your division or be one of the next two best teams in your conference. Didn't happen. Do they "deserve" to be in the playoffs? Without question. They're way better than most of the teams that are still alive. Is it unfair that they aren't in the playoffs? Absolutely not. They simply didn't qualify. Dem's da berries.

But, just to get it out of my system, here are some stats for ya.

4/12: Number of teams in playoffs with a worse record than the Pats out of total number of teams in playoffs. Three other playoff teams went 11-5.

1: Number of games more than the Patriots that the New York Giants won this year. The Giants. Yes. 12-4. Where are they now? Why, not only in the playoffs but with home-field advantage throughout. Ha!

4: The tiebreaker that lost it for the Pats. Tiebreaker #1 is head-to-head (1-1). Tiebreaker #2 is division record (both 4-2). #3 is common games (both 11-3). #4 is conference record. Miami was 8-4 and the Pats were 7-5. You may as well flip a coin. Wait, that's Tiebreaker #12. Oh, well.

10-6: The Giants' record last year, when they won the Super Bowl. Also the Pats' record the first year they won it. Also the record of the Vikings this year. The Vikings? Division winners. Playoff-bound. Had a better record than...

9-6-1: Eagles. Playoff-bound. Wild card, even.

9-7: Cardinals. Playoff-bound. Division winners.

8-8: Chargers. Playoff-bound. Division winners. 8-8? 8-8! The Cardinals could have finished 8-8 and won their division too. And almost did.

And by the way, the Chargers and Cardinals compiled those records in really crummy divisions. Although the Chargers did beat the Patriots this year. (But the Cardinals beat the Dolphins, and the Chargers were a better team, really. Ecch.)

The Patriots would have been fun to watch in the playoffs, what with Matt Cassel figuring this game out and all. Alas and alack, we'll get to watch the stellar Vikings-Eagles matchup and the highly-anticipated Falcons-Cardinals contest. It's annoying, but those are the rules.

We can whine all we want, but it all would have been immaterial if the Pats had just beaten the Jets at home in November.

No Fine Lamer

New England Patriots wide receiver Wes Welker seems like a decent fellow. And he's having a heck of a year. When I saw the brief headline "Welker fined" on the ESPN website, I thought "How surprising. Welker is not the type to get into a fight with anyone. I wonder what he did."

Oops. Here's what he did that was so horrible.



He made a freaking snow angel after scoring a touchdown. He didn't hit anyone. He didn't threaten anyone. He didn't get all up in anyone's grill and say anything about their mama. He didn't even point at anyone and say "Your skills as a professional football player pale in comparison to mine! Enjoy the taste of this!" He just made a snow angel.

Come on, NFL. This is stupid. You're draining the life out of your sport with these lame-ass rules meant to prevent people from "taunting". I'm against taunting too. But there's a big difference between taunting an opponent and simply expressing joy at one's own accomplishment. If you can't see the difference, well, enjoy your $10,000. Which, by the way, was assessed after Welker's team was already punished by having a 15-yard penalty thrown at them. Excessive? Yeah.