Now that the socialist wing of the Democrat Party has the economy on the ropes with its irresponsible mortgages, all it needs now to finish it off is a victory in November. Then it will be able to start with a clean slate and kill free enterprise forever. Lenin would be proud.Yeah, you tell 'em, E.J.! Those Democrats just loooove to make people poor.
—E.J. McNally, Lemont
It's amazing how predatory lenders taking advantage of lax regulation and our nation's home-ownership fetish and then selling off their bad investments like hot potatoes can somehow be blamed on socialism. Just a tiny stretch there. Like 180 degrees.
These people weren't acting out of charity. They were trying to make money. And they made a heckuva lot of it until the bottom fell out. It was (way too) free enterprise that caused the catastrophe.
The lesson here: if capitalism fails, say that it was socialism and declare victory. Don't forget to invoke Lenin. That always drives it home. The Trib will publish your letter and you can frame it. The kids will be proud.
Also, Mr. (or Ms. or Mrs. or...) McNally may be surprised to learn that the socialist wing of the Democratic party consists entirely of Bernie Sanders. I had no idea Bernie was so powerful.
UPDATE: I just went to my bank and asked for a Democratic mortgage. They didn't know what I was talking about. I said, "You know, the ones that are Democratic. The irresponsible ones. The socialist ones." They said, "Why yes, we're all socialist Democrats here in this quintessentially capitalist institution. Gladys, get this young man some free money." Then security came over. Don't remember much after that.