Thursday, September 18, 2008

Dumb Letters: Potheads Destroy Seattle with Cannabis-Derived Superpowers

If you recall my original post on Dumb Letters to the Editor, I firmly believe that newspapers occasionally publish letters that they just think are hilarious. If you don't believe me, here's one from today's Boston Globe. I'm not kidding. They published this.

I WOULD like to throw my whole-hearted support behind Adrian Walker in his crusade against marijuana. Marijuana is much more dangerous than people realize.

For example, recent government studies have shown that marijuana users are able to uproot and demolish entire city blocks when they're high.

More than 100,000 potheads celebrated Hempfest in Seattle last month. Has anyone heard from Seattle since then?

The truth is, the potheads destroyed the entire city. Marijuana has reduced Seattle to a pile of rubble, and the media are covering it up.

Just ask Adrian Walker. He knows the truth, and he's not afraid to tell it.

Pasadena, Calif.

Holy crap. An entire American city destroyed and nobody did anything about it. That never happens. I've scoured the web and I can't find any references to Seattle even losing a coffee shop. What on earth is this person talking about? Can anyone point me towards even a molehill that this person may have made a mountain out of? A pile of rubble! No wonder the economy is tanking.

Most of the people that I've seen who were stoned couldn't be bothered to take out the trash, let alone destroy a city. This person has obviously never smoked pot, or even known anyone else who has.

And what government studies are we talking about here? I can see a sequel to "The Incredible Hulk" where they substitute reefer for gamma rays and everybody hulks out and starts tearing up the joint. But only because they can't find any Cheetos.

Has anyone heard from Seattle lately? I hadn't thought about that. They hadn't called since at least mid-June, but I figured it was because they were on vacation or something. So I checked it out. Apparently, they're mired in the cellar of the AL West. Their management has done what 100,000 raging potheads could not. Poor poor Seattle.

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