The Bashed-in Dead Sox

Oh. My. God.

The Sox are taking a serious pounding. This is ugly. No, it's beyond ugly. This is fugly.

How the heck does this happen? A few days ago they took the first game on the road in that horrible dome in St. Petersburg. Then they came within a whisker of taking the second and going up 2-0. Even coming home at 1-1 looked really good, particularly with Jon Lester on the mound for Game 3.

Then they actually played the games at Fenway. Oy.

Will somebody please tell me where the real Boston Red Sox are and who replaced them over the weekend with these mushy vegetarian meatballs? Who are these people? They can't pitch, they can't hit, they can't manage. They're utterly lifeless. How is this the same team that just last week beat up on the best team in the American League (against whom they went 1-8 in the regular season, I might add)?

I know, they came back from down 3-1 last year in the ALCS and, of course, there was The Miracle of 2004. All hope is not lost. But the hope cupboard is not exactly overflowing right now. We're going to have to dump out the last box to find even a few crumbs of it.

Ugh.

How Do You Spell "Bullshit"? P-A-L-I-N

Alternate spellings: M-C-C-A-I-N and D-A-V-I-S.

Remember this quote from John McCain from not too long ago?

"[I]f a lie is big enough and repeated often enough it will be believed."

Here's what McCain campaign manager Rick Davis told Faux News' Chris Wallace regarding the Troopergate report released on Friday. (Quotes and stuff cribbed from Glenn Greenwald. Thanks, Glenn!)

"The reality is there was absolutely no wrongdoing found in the report — 1,000 pages — an enormous waste of time — and the best they could come up with was: no violations of any kinds of laws or ethics rules."

And here's what Sarah Palin herself told the Alaskan press corps.

"Well, I’m very very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing … any hint of any kind of unethical activity there. Very pleased to be cleared of any of that."

Wow, they really dodged that bullet. So much for the partisan witch hunt. Oh wait. Here's what the report said in its very first finding.

"For the reasons explained in Section IV of this report, I find that Governor Sarah Palin abused her power by violating Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act."

Um, yeah. Cleared of all wrongdoing. Because abusing power and violating laws are not really wrongdoing. At least not for Republicans. We are at war with Eastasia. We have always been at war with Eastasia.

What's that sound? It's McPain poll numbers dropping even further.

More Rainbow Flags Coming to Connecticut

So a Connecticut court has made a rational decision. People may not be discriminated against. It seems simple. But people have all sorts of emotional and/or religious issues that tend to cloud things. Some folks will harp on and on about the "sanctity of marriage", which I find a bit ridiculous. It's a social institution like many others. It has undergone many changes over the centuries with many definitions. Even now it means different things to different people in different traditions, even within those traditions. But the religious nuts just can't get over the "between a man and a woman" thing because of one line in the Bible. (Q: Which topic has more coverage in the Bible, homosexuality or how you should treat your slaves? A: Guess. And it isn't even close.)

"Marriage is about children." Well, no. Many marriages are childless. I have friends my age who are married and don't want children. Should they not have been allowed to get married? My dad re-married in his late 50s and clearly had no intention of having more children. Should he not have been allowed to marry? Some people are barren. Should they not be allowed to get married? It's a specious and nonsensical argument on its face. It doesn't take a genius to refute it. But they still trot it out. It's the only semi-logical thing they can hang it on.

Take these people. They claim that their arguments against gay marriage aren't biblical but biological. What the hell difference does that make? It's still discriminatory. The fact still remains that many married people will never have children and they shouldn't have to in order to enter into a legal contract. Should people have to pledge to have children before they are allowed a marriage license? Should they have to take a fertility test? Should divorce be illegal because the whole point is to have one male and one female parent in the house at all times? Should Lyle the Effeminate Heterosexual not be allowed to procreate?

Listen, whatever your church and you want to do is up to your church and you. But the state does not take a position on religious matters. The state does not take a position on "biological" matters, if that's what you want to call it. The state has pieces of paper that people can sign and enter into a legally binding contract. The state does not care if you love your spouse. The state does not care if you have children. The state does not care if you feed each other Cocoa Puffs while having sex in your laundry room. The state simply does not care. You sign the piece of paper and then when the other person dies you get their money. That is all the state cares about. It's a legal contract and the state may not discriminate in who gets to make a contract with whom.

Have fun discriminating in your church. It's perfectly legal. But it's perfectly illegal for the state to do it. 3 down, 47 to go.

Dumb Letters: The Death of Free Enterprise

Here's an instant classic from the Chicago Tribune.

Now that the socialist wing of the Democrat Party has the economy on the ropes with its irresponsible mortgages, all it needs now to finish it off is a victory in November. Then it will be able to start with a clean slate and kill free enterprise forever. Lenin would be proud.
—E.J. McNally, Lemont

Yeah, you tell 'em, E.J.! Those Democrats just loooove to make people poor.

It's amazing how predatory lenders taking advantage of lax regulation and our nation's home-ownership fetish and then selling off their bad investments like hot potatoes can somehow be blamed on socialism. Just a tiny stretch there. Like 180 degrees.

These people weren't acting out of charity. They were trying to make money. And they made a heckuva lot of it until the bottom fell out. It was (way too) free enterprise that caused the catastrophe.

The lesson here: if capitalism fails, say that it was socialism and declare victory. Don't forget to invoke Lenin. That always drives it home. The Trib will publish your letter and you can frame it. The kids will be proud.

Also, Mr. (or Ms. or Mrs. or...) McNally may be surprised to learn that the socialist wing of the Democratic party consists entirely of Bernie Sanders. I had no idea Bernie was so powerful.

UPDATE: I just went to my bank and asked for a Democratic mortgage. They didn't know what I was talking about. I said, "You know, the ones that are Democratic. The irresponsible ones. The socialist ones." They said, "Why yes, we're all socialist Democrats here in this quintessentially capitalist institution. Gladys, get this young man some free money." Then security came over. Don't remember much after that.

Round 3: "Town Hall"

We didn't learn much from the latest prez debate. Perhaps the best new information we got is that John McCain knows how to get Osama bin Laden. In a real debate with follow-up questions, the next question would be along the lines of, "Yeah? How?" But this wasn't a real debate.

Of course, in a sane world, the response from ordinary people would be along the lines of, "WHAT? How long have you known this and when the fuck were you planning on telling us, you asshole? Have you considered sharing this valuable information with our current leaders? Someone needs to be sent out for an 'enhanced interrogation technique'." Of course, this isn't really a sane world.

McCain's other big moment was doing that fierce combination of demonic botox smirk and lingering-war-injury shrug while pointing at Obama and calling him "that one" as if he were your grandmother saying "Guess who broke somebody's lamp today?" "Why who, Grammie?" "That one." "Waaahhh!!!"

Some people have claimed this was racist. Eh, not really. He didn't exactly call him "boy" or "uppity". It was just garden-variety condescension. Bad enough, and the one sound bite that people will remember most from this event.

Overall, Obama again showed himself to be calm, collected, knowledgable and, yes, presidential. McCain again showed himself to be a cranky, petulant, impatient old man who should be put out to pasture before he does even more damage to his once-proud reputation. Oh, and he said "my friends" so often that it started to sound like "you ignorant shitbags".

This was supposed to be McC's best format. Of course, foreign policy was supposed to be his best subject. If this is the best he's got, we don't need to see any more. Time to stick a fork in him.

The Sad Lunatic Ravings of a Desperate Man

Wow. The McCain campaign is degenerating even more rapidly than we expected.

Read this account of a speech the old fart gave today.

These people are officially out of ideas. I know, I know. They never really had any in the first place. But now that the economy has spiraled out of control (a tragedy but, politically, a plus for Dems) and no one seems to give a rat's petoot about McC's war record or his "maverick" pick of that other "maverick", whose maverickiness seems to consist of not following that herd that, you know, knows stuff about stuff, these guys are left with ad hominem attacks on Obama.

What's really sad about this is how baldly it smacks of desperation. McCain, who used to be civil and respectable, has become an old-fashioned Washington mudslinger. It doesn't suit him. It made him look bad in the first debate and it's making him look bad now.

What's that, John? Obama's inexperienced? Is that supposed to be news? What's that? He hangs out with terrorists? We went over this in the primary. It didn't fly then. How the hell is it supposed to fly now?

And get a load of this.

“Senator Obama has accused me of opposing regulation to avert this crisis,’’ he said. “I guess he believes if a lie is big enough and repeated often enough it will be believed."

This is classic projection. Does he even know how hypocritical this sounds? Case in point: he goes on to say this.

“Today the Dow has fallen below 10,000,’’ he said. “And yet, members of his own party said they felt no pressure to vote for the bill. Why didn’t Senator Obama work to pass this bill from the start? Why did he let it fail and drag out this crisis for a full week before doing a thing to help pass it?’’

Wow, do I even have to point out whose party stonewalled this thing and who couldn't get them to pass it for the life of him? And his pledge not to debate or campaign until there was a resolution? Remember that?

McCain has jumped the shark. This is entirely unpresidential behavior. And it's only going to hurt him. His only hope is that this deflects attention from any actual issues. Because he's getting his ass whooped on substance.

Round 2: Tag Team

I didn't really catch much of the latter half of the VP debate last night. I was totally cocked off my ass from drinking every time Sarah Palin used the word "maverick". By 45 minutes in I was reduced to taking my pants off and French kissing my TV screen while screaming "Kiss me, you hot sexy veeper, you! SLLUUUUUUURRPP!" And then Joe Biden finished his response.

D'oh!

Well, this was about what I expected. Palin, of course, didn't display the awkward pauses and idiotic non-answers that we saw in her interviews with Katie Couric and, to a lesser extent, Charles Gibson. Instead she displayed awkward attacks and well-scripted non-answers delivered with a wink and a smile and a "you betcha". Oh, and a whole pile of lies.

Of course, she couldn't come up with any fresh lies. She just had the ones from her note cards, which she consulted furiously during Biden's turns and even during her own. Whenever a buzzword was mentioned by Biden or moderator Gwen Ifill, the light in her head went on and she grabbed the note card with that canned response on it, regardless of whether it was really appropriate to the question or whether she had already used it.

She certainly showed that she was capable of talking, as long as she had something rehearsed. And she is undeniably charming. And forceful, when she has the aforementioned rehearsed statements. If I had watched this debate and I didn't speak English, I would have given it to her hands-down. Unfortunately for Mrs. P, I (and the rest of America) do speak English. And, call me crazy, I care about content. Her "responses" were utterly free of substance. It was, as The Idiot and his fellow Texans would say, all hat and no cattle.

Seriously, I expected overuse of "maverick" but even I was stupefied by just how many times she said it. And here's something you may not have known: she's from the middle class and she's a Washington "outsider". And, get this, a MOM! Wow! I can so relate to her! Okay, so what else ya got? Nothing? Okay. I can so relate to her!

She spoke, at least at first, entirely to the camera, which I found almost as disconcerting as McCain talking exclusively to Jim Lehrer. Mix it up, girl. (Obama did and it was effective.) And the winking? WTF? Who does she think she's talking to? Is she promising us a little roll in the hay or something? I do not care to be flirted with by my (vice-)presidential candidates, or any other candidates. There are plenty of people on the internet that are hotter than her that will be happy to wink at me. And some of them are smarter than her too. Possibly most.

If I were looking for someone for a local newscast, she's my gal. She looks good on camera and can read a cue card like nobody's business. But as a politician and potential leader? She's still a complete joke. And not a funny one. This debate, although better than her interviews, only confirmed this. There was still no actual substance there, no matter how well she sold it.

Oh, guess what? There was someone else at the debate. It's true! Joe Biden was there. Yeah, and they even let him speak. And damn, he was pretty good. A bit lumpy in the first half but he was strong, coherent, knowledgeable, and he actually responded to the questions with stuff he knew about, not just stuff from his note cards. (He did have note cards; they all do. But he can go off of them, which is unsurprisingly useful in a debate.)

He didn't say anything stupid. He's a very smart guy but sometimes he lets his mouth run off. Not tonight. I liked him more after watching this. And trusted him more to run the country, if need be. Which is good.

I was encouraged by the post-debate polls. It appears that most people considered Biden the winner. I didn't expect this. Eight years ago, I couldn't wait for America to see The Idiot in the debates against Al Gore. "Great," thought I, "they'll see what a dipshit this guy is and his numbers will crater." Gore mopped up the floor with him in the debate (on substance, anyway, and truthfulness). Then afterward everyone said the debate was a tie or even that W. had won. I knew that we, as a nation, were in deep deep shit at that moment. (Little did I know just how deep, and how wide, it would get. But that's another story.)

I fully expected the same this time around. "I like her" would trump "She has nothing to say." If we had really learned our lesson, McPain would be getting slaughtered in the polls already. And they're not. But it seems that, although we are slow learners, we are getting it bit by bit.

Keep going, America. You can make it.

Palin Bingo

Why just watch the debates and scream at the television? Have some fun by printing out these custom Palin Bingo cards.

If that's not enough for you, you can always fall back on the standard drinking games. I plan to get completely sloshed by drinking every time she says "maverick".

Tomayto Tomahto

So, have we all noticed that what was yesterday called a "bailout" is now a "rescue"? And this is in every media source I've seen, read and heard. I mean, everybody. Hmm.

We're at war with Eastasia. We have always been at war with Eastasia.

And the Misses Just Keep on Comin'

So, Ms. P is well-informed. It's very impressive. Here's what she had to say to Katie Couric about how she stays so informed.

Couric: And when it comes to establishing your worldview, I was curious, what newspapers and magazines did you regularly read before you were tapped for this to stay informed and to understand the world?

Palin: I’ve read most of them, again with a great appreciation for the press, for the media.

Couric: What, specifically?

Palin: Um, all of them, any of them that have been in front of me all these years.

Couric: Can you name a few?

Palin: I have a vast variety of sources where we get our news, too. Alaska isn’t a foreign country, where it’s kind of suggested, “Wow, how could you keep in touch with what the rest of Washington, D.C., may be thinking when you live up there in Alaska?” Believe me, Alaska is like a microcosm of America.

Geez. She couldn't have just tossed out the name of one major American newspaper? (I know, I know. She doesn't know any.) And does anyone really ask her how she can stay informed way up there in Alaska? We do have the internet now. Or maybe she doesn't.

So, she can't name a single newspaper (although she reads all of them), she can't name a single actual policy that John McCain promoted ("I'll get 'em for ya!") and, rumor has it, more Couric interview nuggets are going to be available today showing that she can't name a single Supreme Court case other than Roe v. Wade.

How can this get worse? As noted in comments, I'm not expecting a major disaster in Thursday's debate with Joe Biden. But I'm having a hard time figuring how she's going to have anything remotely intelligent to say after watching these interviews. She was supposed to be prepared for them too.