Monday, March 14, 2011

God Told Me That You're a Dick

Why is it that anytime anything awful happens some fucknut says it's God telling us something? Of course, exactly what God is trying to tell us is open to interpretation. But it's usually about gay people, atheists, liberals, New Yorkers, or gay atheist liberal New Yorkers. (Is there any other kind?)

This stupid little girl is just exultant over the incredible horror in Japan. Apparently, this was a message to atheists. I hadn't realized that every single person on the east coast of Japan was an atheist. But thanks for playing, girlie. I hope you don't have any atheists in a 150-mile radius of your house. Because when God comes a-calling for them, you and your Barbies are getting sucked into the maelstrom with them.

I'll give her a pass, though, because she's just a tot. Once she's all growed up and spewing the same nonsense (and -- I hate to be so pessimistic, but -- I'm fairly confident she will be) then we can hold her in something that doesn't resemble pity so much as contempt. Especially if she gets her own radio and/or TV show.

Like this shithead. Mr. Beck uses the old I'm-not-really-saying-what-I'm-saying bit, which I love. It absolves people -- at least in their own minds, and possibly the law's, in certain states -- of guilt. "I didn't really say that the people in Japan had it coming! (But I just did.)"

See if you can look in the mirror and say the following two things without telling yourself that at least one of them can't possibly be true.

  1. "I'm not saying God is, you know, causing earthquakes,"
  2. "[T]here's a message being sent. And that is, 'Hey, you know that stuff we're doing? Not really working out real well. Maybe we should stop doing some of it.' I'm just saying."

So, God didn't cause the earthquake, but the earthquake that just happened is a message. But not from God. The message is presumably from the Avon Lady.

Oh, and of course Glenn Beck knows exactly what the message is. All that stuff you're doing is bad! Well, we're doing an awful lot of stuff down here, Glenn. Which of it exactly is the problem? I'm thinking that watching your batshit crazy show would be pretty high up, if I were God.

And is just Japan doing it or is it us too? Because if it's us, God missed by about 6,000 miles. Our god is an awesomely stupid god, apparently. One who has a lot of incredibly stupid and hateful followers.


ChromePlatedGirl said...

A friend of mine posted a page of collected facebook status's that were all a variation of "Hey Japan. Remember Pearl Harbor?"
Because, not only is God getting them back, he's getting them back for something they did specifically to America.
We are a gross people.

MAB said...


Kizz said...

Perhaps God simply has bad aim. Planned to strike down, say, Gaddafi (Qaddafi, Qgadafy??) and just got a gutterball. Next time it'll get Glenn Beck.

Where does Beck live? I hope it's far from me.

Mrs. Chili said...

It makes me ashamed that the people of the world associate ALL of us with these lunatics.

Mrs. Chili said...

Whoops. Turns out that the video girl was testing Poe's Law. She's admitted to it's all being a hoax:

Beck was dead serious, though...

Montana said...

When I was a kid I lived in Utah, and the Boy Scouts was taken over by Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS Church). This, so called religion, practices underage polygamy, they send the boy s off on missions to divide the underage sisters umong the dirty old men of the clan. Now when these underage girls get pregnant, these same dirty old men, send them to the state to get their welfare checks . You should see some of the palace homes that are paid with welfare checks. By the way this is the newest religion that was created right here in United States of America, I guess their also in AZ, NM, TX, NV, CO, OK. Someone should ask Glenn Beck about it, he seems to have all the answers.